I'm a super hero and I never even knew it

For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook you may have noticed a certain status update recently announcing my new and exciting power. I shall now explain the accounts of how I discovered this amazing super power and allow you all to soak in my marvellousness.

The day of discovery
It was a Tuesday, I had just had an incredibly intense day at work. It had been good, but exhausting. I had taken off the 7 inch stiletto's I use at work to give people the illusion that I'm the same height as some of the 'small to average' people that walk around me and had slipped into my 'very old but very comfortable' trainers for the hour and a half journey home.

The first stretch of my journey home is a ten minute walk to get to the bus stop. This I tend to do in a sleepy haze with very little attention made on where I am going. On this particular Tuesday however my sleepy haze lasted only five minutes into the walk as everything changed after that.

Near the bottom of the road I walk down there is a speed limit sign. It's one of those flashing ones that tells the driver as they go by to slow down if they are going too fast. This one is set at 20 miles per hour.

So I'm walking, head down, earphones in and singing 'Papa, can you hear me' Glee version in my head whilst imagining myself on stage with a candle singing it to millions of people. (This is something that would terrify me if it ever happened but in my head, where it's safe, it's pretty cool) Suddenly a flash of yellow and red catches my attention and I look up to see what all the commotion is about. There, about twenty feet away from me is the speed limit sign, announcing that something is going over 20 miles per hour and needs to slow down. It seems a little weird to me so I look in both directions on the road to try and find the speeding vehicle only to discover that the whole street is deserted. This could only mean one thing... That speed sign was for me.

I had a super power. And it's fast.

The reason why you have to believe me, even though it sounds as if there could be another perfectly rational explanation.
Now for all you skeptics out there who are reading this and thinking... oh sweetie, your deluding yourself, the sign was clearly broken. I thought so too at first!! I understand how you could have jumped to that conclusion, it makes a lot of sense. But then a thought came to me, one that I couldn't shake, one that made me realise that having a super power could be the only feasible explanation.

I don't run. I don't even brisk walk. I'm lazy and I'm constantly daydreaming so when I do walk, it will always be at a very leisurely pace. The sign is located outside a hospital in a well built up area. There was no way that Boris Johnson, our wonderful mayor, would even dream of letting a sign stay in operation that is so clearly broken it would pick up me walking. I mean I have a lot more faith in Boris than that. I believe that he's not just a reason for me to have a little giggle at his expense during the local news. I believe that he's not just there to say things that are wildly inappropriate and then spend the next week apologising for them. I believe that he cares. I believe that he would not stand for letting a sign so grossly close to causing an accident stay unfixed. And I know you all do too. I mean after all, it's why we voted for him right? (Vote Boris: I'm not political but I love his face and floppy hair)

So the only other explanation there is is that I was in fact speeding faster than 20 miles per hour. Woah... amazing.

Now how fast I was going I'm not sure. You see I didn't even realise I was doing it at the time so my mind must be just as fast as my legs to take in everything around me at just the same speed as a dawdle. I'm guessing though that it's not that much faster than 20 miles per hour due to the fact that not much time is shaved off my journey. I would predict at this stage that I'm probably averaging at 21-22 mph.

Okay, okay. I know it doesn't seem that impressive next to Clark Kent or that little boy from 'The Incredibles' but I bet I could win a few gold medals at the Olympics with it... (FYI: No need to worry, I would never do that, I appreciate that due to my super abilities I would be at an unfair advantage and it wouldn't be fair for the other runners)

Obviously I haven't got it all worked out yet. I mean, no one else seems to notice that I'm going fast at all which I don't understand. My current theory that I'm working on is that with my semi-super speed I can also alter peoples minds so that it appears as if I am just walking. (I think it's very clever of my subconscious for doing that as a way of protecting my identity. Hoorah to you subconscious.) It would explain why I've never been aware of my super ability until now, my secret identity is so secret not even I knew who it was. Interesting.

I think I've proved my case.

I'm gonna go by the supername of 'Almost-quite-fast-girl-woman.' I think it has a ring to it.

My younger brother's sneaky little game

I went out with my younger brother Daniel last Saturday.

He developed a new game that, once he had discovered it, decided it would entertain him greatly for the remainder of the day.

The game was 'Tell Lisa a bunch of lies that could be true but actually aren't.

These were as follows.

Sherlock Holmes actually existed.
This one I believed and to this day now argue with him could have been true. I mean all I'm saying is, whilst Arthur Conan Doyle was writing his famous books, who was living in 221b Baker Street? I like to think that Mr Conan Doyle visited the address, saw on the letters addressed to it that a person called Sherlock Holmes lived there and thought... I'm going to make someone's day... or freak the hell out of him anyway.

You've got to admit that it would be pretty freaky if you were to open a book and find that the main character not only shared your name but lived in your house. Mr Conan Doyle would be my new best friend if he had done that. (Granted this friendship wouldn't really be up to much due to the 'being dead' thing he's doing nowadays)

Anyway, Daniel assures me that this was a lie and that I'm stupid for thinking otherwise.

Kevin Spacey will be in the new series of Doctor Who
This one Daniel fully accepted as being a pointless one because there's no real reason why it wouldn't be true. This was the last lie he told me before we went our seperate ways and apparently he was tired.

There were others that I don't remember but my favourite one had to be

Squirrels only exist in England
Whilst waiting for my brother to meet me in London I had some time so I went to see Buckingham Palace as I was in the area... as you do. Walking through the park that leads to this rather amazing looking building I was intrigued by a little group of tourists taking a picture of something that seemed to be on the floor. Unable to contain my curiosity anymore I joined the huddle to see what could be so amazing and saw that there was a squirrel sitting and nibbling on a peanut... This caused great amusement to me as I could not understand why this would get more attention than the home of the Queen of Great Britain. Without giving it much more thought I continued on my walk only to realise there was another huddle further down, camera's out and taking pictures of... wait for it... another squirrel. I was now perplexed. I couldn't understand why they were getting so much attention. I also began to question my own views on nature. Was I a bad person for not finding squirrels so fascinating that I have to spend five minutes taking about 300 pictures of it? (The huddle I had left previous to this new one was still in the same place and taking their photos with the same fervency as before.)

When I eventually met up with my brother, I shared this observation with him, explaining my confusion at the amount of attention these furry little creatures were getting. Daniel then proceeded to tell me that the reason the squirrels were so popular here were because England was the only country in the world where they existed.

Now don't get me wrong, my initial gut reaction was to think 'that can't be true' but this only lasted for a mere couple of seconds before my thoughts moved on and I began to question my previous view of the world. Had I actually ever seen footage of squirrels anywhere else but in this country? In my few occasions abroad, did I ever see a squirrel run across my line of vision? Suddenly my whole world felt like it had been turned upside down, I couldn't disprove this fact, without access to Google I would never know if this was definitely a lie...

Once I managed to shake myself out of my own head and back into reality, I caught sight of my brother's face and the look of sheer disbelief that was all over it. I realised then that I had been had. What's more it was a lie that he had never thought I would believe. Needless to say this was the point that he invented the game and unfortunately his enthusiasm for the game was only heightened by my now shakey view on what was actually fact causing me to fall for most of the lies he said.

I think he admitted to all of the lies he told me that day but looking back I now wonder whether he managed to throw a few in without me realising... I should probably Wikipedia all the new things he told me that day just in case...

Believe it or not I am still blogging!!

Hi guys!!

For those of you who have lived their life in a constant state of flux due to missing my blogs (I assume that you do this silently without anyone watching as the pain is so great which is why there is no real proof that this is happening) you need not worry!! I am still blogging, just not on this page.

I've localised my blogging to two areas, one in film review

Lisa knows her films

and one showing my fictional writing

Creative Writing from a plum

These are available for you read whenever you fancy!!

New text conversation worthy of a giggle

So I'm at work and I remember I had plans with a friend of mine called Graham tonight, I give him a quick text and see if he's up for it, he says he is ill due to severe amount of vomiting. I asked him if he was ok and the following conversation took place.

*Lisa Harries would like to state that she shares none of the opinions, suggestions or statements in the following conversation, all comments made were for comic reasons only. Thank you for reading.*

LISA: You ok? You got the lergy?
GRAHAM: Mayb. im stil alive. bt my stomach acid has dissolved my teeth lol
LISA: Lol, the image of you with jagged stumps for teeth is highly amusin to me.
GRAHAM: We wil see whos laughing when i bite ur hand off
LISA: The jokes on you, I find pain funny
GRAHAM: The jokes on you, I have hiv
LISA: The jokes on you, I have rabies
GRAHAM: The jokes on you, I have ur family held hostage
LISA: The jokes on you, I've killed yours
GRAHAM: The jokes on you, I have nothing left to lose
LISA: The jokes on you, I don't even like my family
GRAHAM: The jokes on me. I feel ill
LISA: And we're all laughing heartily
GRAHAM: Har har har
LISA: You throwing up again?
GRAHAM: Nt since bt 4am
LISA: Stick two fingers down your throat, you'll feel better
GRAHAM: Ok thanks. il try that
LISA: It never fails, I read it in kate moss's bulemic guide to a better life, it's either that or take crack but I think the first suggestion is more applicable to right now.
GRAHAM: Uh huh. ok thanks. im gona go have a lie down... and not take crack.
LISA: Good. don't do drugs.

7 wonders of the world

So I logged on today looking to see if anyone had shown me any love via the wonders of comments (something which I enjoy immensely by the way, so comment away) and I found a comment from Glyn my brother pointing out a fault in one of my 22nd year challenges from my ever so wonderful list I created.

You see one of the challenges I have set myself for my 22nd year is to see and touch one of the 7 wonders of the world, I then went on to say how I had already touched one - being the Eiffel Tower. My brother has stated that this is in face NOT a seven wonder.

In my smug 'I know things you don't' tone, I started writing a comment back saying, 'In actual fact if you bother to research the 7 wonders (something I had done about three years ago) you would see that as the 7 wonders of the ancient world are now all destroyed with the exception of the pyramids there are now new wonders, and the Eiffel Tower is found under that bracket.'

Now to seem extra smarmy and 'know it all' I went to my trusty friend www.google.com and searched for the proof to add to my comment and prove my cleverness.

I felt foolish.

It would seem that in between the time I last read a website on it three years ago and Glyn wrote his comment they had announced the official 7 wonders of the world. (July 7th 2007 to be exact)
The Eiffel Tower did not exist in this list, to be fair it made the final 20 but alas not the final 7.

This has left me with two despairing thoughts.
One - I have to admit to my older sibling that he is in fact right and I'm just full of myself - Sorry Glyn
And two - I'm back at the beginning!! My dream before I die is to touch and have my picture with each and every one of them but now instead of 6 to find I'm back to 7!! And NONE of them are in England (previous 3 yr old list told me one of them was stone henge) the challenge is on and it's a toughy. But although feeling slightly cheated I am determined to succeed!! This 22nd year will mark my first 7 wonder!! I promise this now to the world!!
And for those of you who care, these are the seven wonders.

Posting

Wow, it's beginning to be a while since I last wrote a blog.
I'd better do one soon.
The last thing I wanna do is write a pointless blog just to fill in space and time.

Lisa and the City

I have just finished watching a birthday present I got, all six episodes of Sex and the City and have started to realise that I am incredibly influenced by the things around me. Now I know where you think this may be going but I can assure you it's not. What I am referring to is Carrie Bradshaws facial expressions.

For those of you who aren't that accustomed to Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw is the main woman who narrates each of the epsiodes under the pretext that she's writing it for her column which appears in some big shot newspaper in New York City. In every episode there consists one scene where she will sit at her computer writing random questions about what she's learnt about men in the episode, breaking down her typing with a reach for either a cigarette, a Manhattan or food of some kind. This was all broken up by these random facial expressions she'd pull while writing, like chewing on her lip or licking her top teeth (don't ask me why she did this but she did) anywho, due to spending three weeks cramming six series of this into my brain I have found myself picking up on these habits. When talking to people I am chewing in a stupidly over the top manner on my bottom lip and only just now when stopping to think how to write this next sentence I found myself doing the afore mentioned tooth thing.

So after some careful consideration instead of being ashamed of the utter tool I have become I will embrace it and work it into my writing with the Sex and the City 'roundup all your summarising in a bunch of questions' questions, 'Are our personalities purely summed up by what we watch and take in around us or do we actually come up with any of it ourselves??' 'Are we just empty vessels waiting for our next interesting quirk to show?' 'Does that mean we have to be extra careful what we watch and have around us?'

'How much of what we watch is affecting the way we live our lives??'

Now in true fashion I have leant back placed my hand to my mouth in a pondering expression to think over my last question and now as I am unable to cut to next scene to show me talk about this with my girlfriends I will have to pretend that already happened and go straight to the lap top last scene where I hastily reach back to my lap top to conclude my question.

I guess at the end of the day we'll never know how much we actually take in, all we can do is try to control the things we know we're taking in and make sure we only pick up the best of everything we watch. Surely if we do that we will become the uber coolest person the world has to offer.... that's worth thinking about.